Albert Einstein, GI Jane, and Jesus

What in the heck do these three individuals have in common?

Albert Einstein

I started losing my hair in February, a month after the transfer of 50 million new and improved white blood cells into my body, as part of a CAR-T cell clinical trial for my stage 4 colorectal cancer. The hair loss was a result of three days in a row of chemotherapy to kill my existing white blood cells, in order to make room for the new cancer fighting cells.

I thought it was strange that my hair started falling out one month after this treatment – why wouldn’t it start right away? And it has continued to fall out, and we are now in the month of April.

I have done all the things anyone losing their hair does, in an attempt to prolong the inevitable. First, I got it cut – from shoulder length to a cute lob. Then I got hats, scarfs, kerchiefs, head coverings, and even a wig. But as my hair continued to thin, I even had to admit it wasn’t looking so hot.

Mostly because I felt like I was starting to look a little bit like Albert Einstein. That’s because my hair got so thin that when I woke up in the morning, it would be standing up on end just like his. Only Albert’s hair was actually better than mine, because at least he didn’t have any bald spots in the back! In addition to this, I also have really thin spots on the sides of my head.

So, I’m thinking about all of this last week, right before Easter. Those of us that are Christians know Easter celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ, signifying victory over death and the promise of eternal life. The Easter season is also a time of renewal and new beginnings, often associated with the arrival of spring and the symbolism of rebirth.

The Crucifixion by Bartolomé Estebán Murillo

As I was reading my daily prayers in my Lectio 365 app, everything was focusing on Jesus’ death, trusting in God, and the resurrection. And as I am reading about these things, I started thinking about my hair. Wouldn’t this be the perfect time to cut it all off? A symbol and physical reminder that I am choosing to let the last 4 years of my cancer treatment go. Although the last 3 chemo treatments did my hair in, it has been subjected to 35 chemotherapy treatments total. So, let’s cut off all that chemo tainted hair, trust in God, and have Hope that I will get better, and it will grow back and be long again one day.

What surprised me was my response to the actual hair cutting… Every TV movie with a cancer patient cutting their hair is always very emotional and there is a lot of crying. When I first got diagnosed and an oncologist told me I was probably going to lose all my hair, I was hysterical. At that time, I couldn’t accept this potential reality.

Flash forward to nearly 4 years later. I called one of my really good friends, Kim, to see if she would cut it for me. She used to be a hairdresser, and I remember her telling me she would help me cut it short or buzz it off if I ever wanted to. So, I told her what I was thinking, and she came right over with all of her hair cutting paraphernalia.

And while I was waiting for her to cut my hair, I felt excited! That is the last emotion that I would have expected to experience. Also, there were no tears, but there was a lot of laughter. I was incredibly surprised by all of this.

As I began to explore why I was feeling this way, I came to this conclusion: Cutting my hair was freeing, because I decided to do it. Rather than having something done to me, which has been the case with all of my treatment, I was taking the wheel and making the decision to take this action. And in doing so, cutting my hair has been a symbol of rebirth for me; it represents a new season of life with Hope and anticipation that I will be healthy and not have to go back on chemotherapy and that God is in control. Good riddance to that sad hair!

So, Kim cut my hair short. Not buzzed, but so short that I now have the least amount of hair of all three men in my house. And with this new look, I have decided to step into a new era of life. I’m calling this one my GI Jane era. Although my hair isn’t quite as short as hers was in this 1997 action drama film, I’m going to do my best to rock it just like Demi Moore. And I’ll keep fighting and kicking cancer’s ass!

Demi Moore in the film GI Jane.